Tallula Moon Designs

Tuesday, September 1

It's all about the real life....

Life has been difficult lately. I mean REALLY, honestly difficult. Over the last several months, I have realized a lot of different things that have caused me to reflect on my life and how I live it. I realized that I blog a lot more for my business than because I have something to say. I used to blog all the time about my struggles with my weight and my life. I have a pretty good idea why I stopped writing about things that were personal .... I was so concerned about what someone else might say, or how they might think of me as a person or how I deal with my life. Generally, I don't care what people think.....generally. So I honestly can't figure out why it was so important for me to start censoring what I was typing and never even consider what I would say to people that were standing right in front of me.

After several days of pondering this, I have decided to go back to blogging about myself. I'll still add my sales and new stuff on ETSY, but I want to be able to let it all out and say things I need to say. Blogging is therapeutic for me and I'm sure a lot of people feel the same way.

So for my very first "I really am a person, not a business" blog post....I want to put in my disclaimer.....

  1. I used to write a blog called "My Butt Looking Cookie Day" on AOL, which can no longer be viewed.....probably a good thing though. It was about the way I envisioned myself and how very delusional I really was. I knew I was overweight, but for some reason, I had it stuck in my head that it really wasn't that bad. Gimme a break. Anyway, one day I purchased a new pair of jeans. I was getting ready to go shopping the following morning and went into my bathroom to finish up right before I left. I had full length mirrors on my closet and for whatever reason, I truly have no idea, I pulled out a mirror and decided to look at my butt in my new jeans. I was thinking.....these jeans are cool, they must look really hot..... I held the mirror up, positioned it just right and realized that my butt was HUGE. I could use it for walking billboard space and probably be able to pay my rent every month just off of that income. I just stood there, dumbfounded. I set the mirror down and tried to figure out in my head where I had come up with this deluded thought of what I really looked like. I was sad, I was dissapointed, and I was angry. So I marched myself right into the kitchen and ate a cookie...the only thing that would sooth away my frustration. And that's when it donned on me....this is NOT going to help the size of my butt nor is it going to help me feel better about myself. After that day of feeling miserable and having one cookie filled pity party after another, I decided that the only person that could take control of me was me. That's where my story started.....
  2. I don't general censor myself and I'm not really for the faint at heart. I say what I feel in my life and that's what I am going to be doing here as well. Censoring myself is why I closed my blog and started holding in all of my frustration. That stops now.
  3. I get wordy. I don't know how to stop that, it just happens.
  4. I sometimes can share too much information....TMI. I'll try to post a warning first and I apologize in advance if I can't remember to do that.
  5. I cuss. I'll make a big attempt to keep it to a minimum or not at all....but I cuss.
I'm open to comments, critiszm, and opinons. If you say something that pisses me off, don't be surprised if you are the topic of my next post. Generally though, this is just about me and what I'm doing and getting out whatever I feel like I need to talk about.

So here it goes, todays "Real Life" post.....

Since March of this year, my life has been turned upside down, shaken, not stirred. It's been many many things, nothing catastrophic, just stuff. My brother and my son both moved in with us just days apart for different reasons. I don't have issues with that at all....it's just stuff. Then my daughter graduated high school and told me a week later that she was pregnant. I tried to be very supportive by not throwing up in her hair while I hugged her and told her it would be ok. It's her life, she can do with it as she pleases, but I know from experience the struggles she is facing. The bank that holds my home loan has been more than just a little difficult to deal with. When all of this stuff started happening with the housing market and the banks stopped lending we got caught up in a mess. A year later, we are still dealing with it and getting no where with the bank. At this point, I just want them to tell me what my house payment it so I can make it and move on with my life. They can't seem to do that so I have taken a step in a different direction to force them to do that. The stress from that alone is unbelievable. How hard is it for a bank to say "You pay us X and you still live there?" Seriously???? It doesn't seem like rocket science, but what do I know?

So that's my mini version of the messes that are currently working. I wanted to give a rundown so that when I get excited about something or go off on a rant...you could have a clue about what I am talking about.

To answer your question....yes, my butt is still there...nothing has changed and maybe it's gotten a little larger, a little flatter or a little lumpier. The cookies are still there occasionally too.

So I ask you....

When you know that you can't control everything in your life, how do you get motivated to work on the one thing you CAN?